My Lyrics to a Plug Song for Comedy Death Ray

I couldn’t find an instrumental of Plug Tunin’ by De La Soul, but that’s what it’s supposed to rapped over.

I can’t flow, but I can rhyme
I just write jokes, don’t need stage time

it’s the part of the show you’ve been waitin for
comedy death ray, this humor is raw

scottie aukerman’s been making silly jokes
best comedy writer? I’m callin it a hoax

but thanks for listening to this show in order
the funny parts were written by BJ Porter

you know the time, but first I’m gonna rhyme
dissin unfunny guests

jimmy pardo is always not funny

yo nick kroll, your jokes is old
you’re not that brainy, but funnier than john mulaney

and I’m sorry ansari, but I don’t want to hear
about your cousin harris or vids with paul sheer

todd glass, andy kindler, morgan murphy, dana gould
all great comics, you guys ruled

but scott used to ask what every guest earns
now wastes your time between the two ferns

wish you wrote jokes that were a lot stronger
dropped albums on vinyl like my man matt braunger

is harris wittels funny? hell no!
he should be writing for Jay Leno

like i love movies, with the same guests.
ways to improve, allow me to suggest

funny characters by mr. f thompkins
when he’s on the show, everybody wins.

songs by weirder scott, need a disclaimer
even worse than raps by mr. howard kremer

offense joke, what? too soon?
get better guests than mr. nick thune.

comedy nerd fans who hate dane cook
comedy by the numbers, yeah they read the book.

go to UCB every day this spring
their homepage is aspecialthing

but enough of this shit, nice show cyberthug
it’s time to drop the mic and listen to the plugs

///
Obviously very little editing went into this.

A Job I didn’t take

The original Job Posting. I had an interview, but withdrew my application before the second interview.
The lead developer seemed like a pretty awesome guy to work with, but I’m interested in being in a more collaborative environment, and I’ve had continued freelance work to keep me busy enough.

In a land before time… a girl — two girls — now more than ever… wait, wrong job listing.

Languages and Environments
HTML + CSS: Because Mama didn’t raise you to format with tables.
Javascript: “He’s been using Brand X.”
“The Standards” – LAMP or MAMP: If you don’t know, don’t ask.

Development Skills
OO: The CS Rorschach Test.
Simple Schema Design: Plans within Plans.
AJAX: Used for more than cleaning kitchens and cutting drugs.
MVC: No, it’s not a Modern Venetian Constable (experience with CakePHP would be valuable).

Powers… You Have Them!
If asked, should be able to design a fully-functional pizza ordering form, complete with backend.
If asked, should be able to propose a design for Tetris entirely in CSS, HTML, and Javascript (bonus points for real-time multiplayer Tetris that automatically orders a free pizza for the winner).
If asked, should be able to persuasively defend choice of operating systems, email clients, and online shopping destinations.

Applicants must provide a resumé, links to example projects (school assignments accepted), and a brief explanation, in your own words, of the philosophical differences between jQuery and Prototype.

Athens preferred. Atlanta accepted.

My response.

MAMP developer here. Literally just moved to Athens to follow my fiance.

I’ll keep this rather informal. I’ve worked on short-term contracts with several web-design agencies in Columbus, Ohio for some decent sized clients.
Most of my work has been in the Custom CMS / WordPress land, with several larger E-Commerce sites.

Re: Your questions. I LOVE it when I get to use the < table > tag for actual tabular data. I also love it when I get to use < dl > for an actual definition list.
My resume and portfolio are linked below.

If you want to ask me any of your questions, I’d be happy to answer them.
- No problem on the Pizza Ordering
- Why not make it a mobile app. Or augmented reality Tetris.
- Mac OSX / Ubuntu, PINE for email (kidding), and I’m a partner in a company that created our own online shopping destination for independent record stores
to allow customers to buy online and pick-up in-store, because I believe that you can’t be a fan of boutique stores and a fan of insound.com
(It’s http://sellwithboutique.com/ )

I’m most experienced with Jquery, YUI, Mootools, and Prototype, extJS (in that order)
From my experience, the most important skill is to choose the right tool for job.
Either for technical reasons, framework compatibility or just to stick with what’s been in use.

In three words, the philosophical difference of how Protoype is different than JQuery: extending the DOM.
The very real problem is collisions, if a property you try to overwrite is already part of some browsers DOM, and how the error may or may not be handled.
I won’t go further, as I’d just start ranting.

Next Stage In My Life

Yeah, I’m marrying the dog too.