My 7th grade teacher was the first to accuse me of being a perfectionist. I thought that her class was too easy, but it was the first time that I realized how difficult it was for me to admit defeat. I can justify a lot of things. I’m a terrible communicator with people I have no interest talking with because (I say) I learned the entertainment industry habit of not returning peoples calls if I didn’t want to deal with them then. Real people get more pissed off than that, but the real reason is that usually I’m scared of giving someone the wrong answer or of rejecting them than just saying no from the get-go. That’s the truth, I’m a tough person to get a hold of if I’m not interested in talking with you.
I’ve worked on a lot of ideas that have tried to cut to the very core of this fact — willingness to fuck up. Mostly, because I’m afraid to in my own life. But I’ve realized that this fear has paralyzed me many times. I talk about ideas in the third person so I have a (mythical) scapegoat in case the idea isn’t well received.
I would guess that most people don’t want to be judged (in the moment, or later on) for their opinions, tastes, or interests. I can look back with a (semi-)ironic tone (depending on who I’m talking with) when I mention how much I really enjoyed Middle of Nowhere by Hanson (and I’m not talking guilty pleasure, come on – Dust Brothers!)
Anyway, my goal is not necessarily to apologize for my occasional poor communication skills or my occasional fuck ups, but rather my commitment to fuck up more and not be afraid to speak my mind at certain times, favoring quick rather than prolonged rejection.
As an aside, my good friend Atom will never let me forget the moment during my first week at a new job when I didn’t stand up to support him on his crazily outspoken pro-web-standards stance. I wasn’t prepared to fight against the CEO and CTO, but I have great respect for him for doing so. And he should be happy that he changed my desire to always speak my mind. (and stop bringing it up already)
That’s it for now… Tons of crazy projects on the horizon… too many to count in fact.
Love you all.
Related posts:
Facebook
Github
LinkedIn
Twitter
2 Comments
I feel so internet-close right now.
I think that the story is much better if you mention it was the first time that we had met.
As an aside to this comment, I would like to state for the record that:
Is not something it is easy to keep my mouth shut about (regardless of who was at the table), esp. when it was the entirety of my proposal.
You are forgiven for your sheepish cowardice, I do understand the need to not come off as a forceful, arrogant, know-it-all. I myself had to work my way up to it over the course of several weeks. This does not however mean that I won’t bring it up every single time that it serves my purpose or argument.
I love you too, come watch an awful movie with me.
<3
Leave Comment